10 Things I hate about you Twilight style
by maddi.rebecca
Summary: basically the 10 things I hate about you plot with the twilight characters (: ALL HUMAN, CANNON PAIRINGS
1. Chapter 1

**TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU**

Patrick Verona: Edward Cullen

Kat Stratford: Bella Swan

Bianca Stratford: Rosalie Swan

Cameron James: Emmett McCathy

Michael: Jasper Hale

Joey: James

Mandella: Alice Brandon

Chastity: Jessica Stanley

Walter Stratford: Charlie Swan

Miss Perky: Miss Cope

Mr Morgan: Mr Banner

**CHAPTER 1: BEGGINGS **

PAUDA HIGH SCHOOL DAY

Welcome to Pauda High School your typical middle class high school in Forks Washington.

PAUDA HIGH SCHOOL DAY THE OUTSIDE STREET

Two cookie cutter cute girls pull up to a red traffic light in there convertible listening to some popular pop fluff music.

Bella Swan eighteen, pretty but trying hard not to be (and failing) pulls up beside them in her beat down red Chevy that she loves. She scowls at their choice of music. The light changes and despite the age of her car zooms out of there as if listening to the music any longer could possibly kill her.

PAUDA HIGH SCHOOL DAYFRONT STEPS

Bella hurries to the front door of the school, she approaches another cookie-cutter-cute girl pasting an advertising poster for prom she studies it for a second and then rips it down.

"HEY" the poster girl screams out after her.

GUIDANCE COUNSELERS OFFICE DAY

Emmett McCathy, a hugely built, easy going new kid at school with an optimistic, mischievous face, sits facing Miss. Cope, an old-school single stereotype. She's in the middle of composing some racy lines from her pulp romance-novel-to-be on her laptop.

"So Emmett here you go, 9 schools in 10 years my my Army brat?" She asks giving him his schedule.

"Yeah my dad's a…" Emmett's cut off

"That's enough. I'm sure you won't find Pauda any different than your old School. Same little ass wipe shit-for-brains everywhere" Miss Cope tells him smiling.

"Excuse me. Did you just say…? Am I in the right office?" He asks looking around.

"Not anymore you're not. I've got deviance to see and a novel to finish. Now scoot. Scoot!" She tells him shooing him out the door.

"Uh Okay thanks I think" Emmett says as he leaves.

As he leaves he passes Edward Cullen, a smug, bronze haired Australian who's on his way.

"Hey new kid" he says

Emmett nods at him and leaves.

Miss. Cope looks down to her file and then to Edward.

"Edward Cullen. I see were making our visits a weekly ritual"

She gives him a disapproving glance. He answers with a charming smile.

"Only so we can have these moments together. Should I Uh get the lights?" He asks her.

"Oh very clever Kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria to a table full of cheerleaders"

"I was only joking. It was a bratwurst." He says smiling

"Bratwurst huh? Aren't we the optimistic? Next time keep it in your pouch okay? Scoot." She tells him sitting down.

After he leaves she goes back to writing her novel adding the word bratwurst to the sentence she's working on.

SCHOOL HALLWAY –DAY

Jasper Hale, a typical overachieving, brainy senior with a southern twang. He introduces himself to Emmett among the bustle of the Hallway.

"Jasper Hale, I'm supposed to show you around" He says sticking out his hand.4

Emmett shakes his hand "Oh Hi Thank God! You know usually they send down one of those audio/video geeks."

Seeming flustered Jasper replies "You know I do. I know what you mean yeah"

An audio video geek pushing a cart full of film equipment rolls along beside them.

"Hey Jasper where should I put these slides? He asks him.

Jasper brushes of the A/V geek "Jasper?!"

Jasper turns back to Emmett

"So uh (checks piece of paper) Emmett here's the breakdown"

They begin to walk down the hallway.

"Over there you've got your basic beautiful people. Now Listen. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother"

"But Wait. Is that your rule or there's?" Emmett asks him

"Watch" Jasper tells him. They pass a group of Jocks.

"Hey there" Jasper says to them

"Eat Me" The Jock yells after him

Jasper turns to Emmett "See". The jock and his friends glare as if offended as the pair walks away.

SCHOOL COURTYARD DAY

Groups of students stand around. Jasper and Emmett continue their walk.

"Okay to the left we have the coffee kids. Very Edgy. Don't make any sudden movements around them."

They step down and pass a table full of white boys with dreadlocks and prerequisite Jamaican berets.

Jasper continues "And these delusional are the White Rasta. Uh, they're big Marley fans. They think there black. Semi-Political but mostly…"

"Smoke a lot of weed" Emmett throws in.

"Yeah" Jasper nods.

They approach a group of kids wearing cowboy hats and boots.

"These guys…"

Emmett cuts him off "Let me guess. Cowboys?"

"Yeah but the closest they've come to a cow is MacDonald's…" Jasper laughs at his own joke.

Emmett doesn't seem to laugh so Jasper stops.

They approach a group of studious-looking teens who are bent over textbooks at a table.

"These are your future MBA's- We're all Ivy League accepted"

Jasper turns to the group

"Hey guys how ya doin"

The group look annoyed.

Emmett and Jasper walk away

"Yesterday I was there god" Jasper says

"What happened?" Emmett asks.

"Eric Yorkie started a rumour that I … that I buy my IWods at an outlet mall" Jasper tells him.

"So they kicked you out?" Emmett asks him.

"Hostile take-over. But don't worry they'll pay. Now over here…" But Jasper is cut short because Emmett has spotted Rosalie Swan.

Rosalie Swan is a young care free blonde with extraordinary beauty.

"OH MY God" Emmett mutters completely smitten.

"What group is she in?" he asks Jasper.

"The 'don't even think about it' group that's Rosalie Swan, a sophomore" Jasper tells him.

"I burn! I pine! I perish!" Emmett sighs.

"Of course you do. You know she's beautiful and deep. Pure" Jasper tells him.

Rosalie walks with her friend Jessica, a cute and seemingly less loquacious version of herself.

"You see there's a difference between like and love. Because I like my sketchers but I love my Prada backpack" She tells her friend

"But I love my sketchers" Jessica adds.

"That's because you don't have a Prada backpack" Rosalie tells her.

"Ohhhh!" Jessica says enamoured with Rosalie's wisdom.

Japer turns to Emmett "Listen forget her. Incredibly uptight father and it's a widely known fact that the Swan sisters aren't allowed to date."

"Uh…huh yeah" Emmett replies barely listening.

ENGLISH CLASS DAY

A room full of bored seniors doodle and stare off into space. Mr Banner an educated, no-nonsense man in his early thirties presides.

"Okay then. What did everyone think of the Sun Also Rises?"

A girl raises her hand and offers her approval,

"I loved it. It was so romantic" she sighs.

Bella is wearing a Camo top in preparation for her daily war against high school ignorance.

She adds her own opinion clearly disgusted "Romantic? Hemingway?! He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers"

The class roll their eyes obviously sick of her opinions.

James Donner, a slicked back 'popular' kid makes fun of her from his row.

"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends?"

This earns a few giggles from around the class. Bella fumes from her seat without looking back.

"Pipe down Chaiche" Mr Banner yells at him.

"I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time." Bella tells him smiling sweetly. This earns a round of giggles.

Edward suddenly steps into the classroom late,

"What'd I miss?"

Bella turns around to face him "The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education"

"Good" Edward immediately turns around and leaves

"Hey, hey!" Mr Banner yells out after him.

"UH, Mr Banner is there any chance we could get Bella to take her Mydol before she comes to class?" James asks laughing.

More snickers are heard from the class.

Mr Banner turns to James "Someday you're gonna get bitch slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it. And Bella. I want to thank you for your point of view"

Bella smiles to herself her social indigent justified.

Mr Banner continues "I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle class suburban oppression. It must be tough."

Bella deflates and becomes hostile again.

Mr Banner starts up again "But the next time you storm around the PTA campaigning for better lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them why they can't buy a book written by a black man!"

Two of the white Rasta kids from the courtyard take up his cry of discrimination.

"That's Right mon!" They cheer.

Mr Banner turns to them "Don't even get me started on you two!"

They grumble and quickly shut up! Bella is fuming again.

"Anything Else?" She asks him seething

Mr Banner begins to walk back to the front of the class "Yeah. Go to the office. You're pissing me off!"

Bella turns to him in shock "What! But Mr Banner"

He cuts her off "Later!"

Bella gets up in a tiff and on her way out she hits James in the face with her books.

"Hey!" he calls out.

SCHOOL HALLWAY DAY

Bella fuming walks down the corridor not paying attention to where she is walking, she bumps into Edward Cullen her books flying everywhere.

"God could you watch where you're going you stupid son of a—"She stopped herself once she looked into his eyes.

Edward to was gazing at her, she had caught him off guard but soon enough his innocent expression was soon gone and replaced with a mask.

"Watch where you're going!" He snapped at her, he walked away.

"Asshole" Bella mumbled picking up her books.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Heinius Bitch is the term used most often**

GUIDANCE COUNSELERS OFFICE DAY

Miss Cope sits in front of her laptop composing her sleazy novel.

"Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape… excitable, stiff and… JUDITH"

Judith appears at the door

"What's another word for…Engorged?"

"I'll look it up" Judith tells her hurrying off.

Bella approaches the office and overhears Miss Cope searching for the right word.

"Swollen…turgid…"

Bella cuts in "Tumescent?"

"Perfect! So I hear you were terrorizing Mr Banners class. Again" Miss Cope says looking up.

"Expressing my opinion is not a crime" Bella tells her

"The way you expressed your opinion to Mike Newton? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you were wondering"

"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls" Bella says nonchalantly.

"The point is Bella, people perceive you as somewhat…"

"Tempestuous?" Bella asks

"Heinous Bitch is the term most often used"

Bella is unflattered and rolls her eyes.

"You might want to work on that" Miss Cope tells her

Bella rises from her chair and tells Miss Cope Sarcastically "As always, I would like to thank you for your excellent guidance. I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member."

Bella leaves the office

"Quivering member… I like that" Miss Cope murmurs to herself.

SCHOOL COURTYARD DAY

James and his friend Laurent are standing around. Laurent notices Rosalie and Jessica entering the courtyard and calls James's attention to Rosalie.

"Virgin Alert. You're Favourite" Laurent says

James turns to look at Rosalie, the girls walk pass noticing James.

"Looking good ladies!" James calls out.

"They're outta reach, even for you" Laurent says laughing

"No one's out of James reach" James says talking in the third person

"You wanna put money on that?" Laurent asks interested.

"Money I've got. This I'm going to do for fun"

Across the way Emmett and Jasper have been watching Rosalie and Emmett notices James's admiration.

"Who's that guy?"

Jasper looks over in James direction "That's James Donner; he's a jerk off, man whore and a model"

Emmett is shocked "A model?"

Jasper nods "A model. Mostly regional stuff. But he's rumoured to have a tube sock add coming out"

Emmett begins to laugh "Really?"

"Really" Jasper tells him.

They have a laugh at James's expense. But soon enough Emmett turns his attention back to watching Rosalie.

"Man look at her" Emmett says with a sigh.

Jasper turns to him UN impressed "Is she always so…vapid?"

Emmett begins to get defensive "How can you say that? She's so…"

Jasper cuts him off "Conceited?"

"What are you talking about Jasper? There's more to her than you think. I mean look…look at the way she smiles. And look at her eyes man. She's totally pure. I mean you're missing what's there"

Jasper look at him unconvinced "No Emmett no, look for starters you don't even know her you've been here for what a day? What's there is a snotty little princess wearing a strategically planned sun dress to make guys like us realizes we can never touch her and guys like uh…"

HE looks around and notices James make his way towards the girls

"…James realizes they want to. She, my friend is what we'll spend the rest of our lives not having. Put her in the spank bank, and move on." Jasper is pleased with himself

"No" Emmett says

Jasper sighs "Move On"

"No! You're wrong about her. I mean you know, uh not about the spanking part. But the rest. You're wrong" Emmett says.

"Alright I'm wrong? You wanna take a shot? Be my guest. She's actually looking for a French Tutor." Jasper says to him.

"Are you serious? That's perfect!" Emmett says excitedly

"Do you speak French?" Jasper asks

"Well no… But I will" Emmett tells him

Jasper rolls his eyes at him.

SCHOOL PARKING LOT DAY

Bella and her best friend Alice Brandon—beautiful and attired in quasi-Renaissance clothes walk towards Bella's car.

"I heard you got kicked out of class again" Alice tells her friend

Bella rolls her eyes "I didn't do anything wrong"

Alice snorted "Of course little miss perfect"

Bella rolls her eyes trying not to laugh.

James pulls up beside them

"Hey Bella your little Rambo look is out, didn't you read last month's Cosmo?"

"Run Along" Bella says barley noticing him.

She and Alice continue walking.

Further along Rosalie and Jessica are walking, embroiled in a meaningful conversation

"I know you can be overwhelmed. You can be underwhelmed but can you ever just be whelmed?" Jessica asks Rosalie.

"I think you can in Europe" Rose says turning to her.

James pulls up beside them "Hi ladies. Would you sweet young things like a ride?"

The two girls look at each other and immediately hop in, climbing over his upholstery.

"Careful on the leather" he tells them smoothing out the seats.

Across the lot, Bella and Alice watch this display from inside Bella's truck

Alice turns to Bella "That's a charming new development" she says sarcastically

Bella pretends to gag "It's disgusting" she tells her.

Meanwhile, Jasper has mounted an old motorcycle equipped with a plastic dork basket on the handles. He jets a bit out of control and kills the engine right in front of Bella's Car. Pissed off, she shouts out the window

"Remove head from sphincter, then drive!"

Jasper regains control and pulls out of the way to where Emmett has been watching.

"Are you alright?" Emmett asks Jasper

"Yeah, yeah. Just another encounter with the shrew. Your girlfriend's sister." Jasper tells Emmett as they watch the car zoom out of the lot.

"What?! That's Rosalie's sister?" Emmett asks shocked

"Mm Hmm, The mewling stuck up bitch herself, Stay cool bro" Jasper says zooming off.

SWAN HOUSE DAY

Charlie Swan, Bella and Rosalie's overly protective an obstetrician—enters through the front door rifling through the mail. He turns to Bella who is reading a book

"Hello Isabella. Make anyone cry today?"

Bella turns to him smiling "Sadly no. But it's only four-thirty"

Charlie smiles proudly as Rosalie walks in and kisses him on the cheek

"Hi daddy"

"Hello princess" Charlie says smiling

"And where have you been?" Bella asks her sister

Rosalie gives her a sour look "Nowhere"

Charlie, who hasn't raised his eyes from the mail, is inspecting a letter

"What's this it says Dartmouth?" Charlie asks confused

Bella snatches it away from him and runs across the room in a hurry of excitement and reads the contents silently.

"I got in! I got in!" she says jumping up and down

"Uh honey that's great but isn't Dartmouth on the other side of the Country?" Charlie asks her

"Thus the basis of its appeal"

"Yeah I thought we decided you were gonna stay here and go to U Dub like me. Be a husky" he makes an inspiring growling noise

"No you decided" Bella responds curtly

"Oh Okay so you just pick up and leave is that it" Charlie asks getting angry

Rosalie is brimming at the idea "Let's hope so"

Bella gives Rosalie a spiteful look then smiles sweetly

"Ask Rosalie who drove her home" Bella tells her dad

"Bella don't change the…drove? Who drove you home?" Charlie asks turning to Rosalie

Rosalie glares at Bella and then turns to Charlie.

"Now don't get upset daddy, but there's this boy…" but Bella cuts her off

"Who's a flaming imbecile" Bella adds in nodding

"Please" Charlie begins

"And I think he might ask me" Rosalie says loudly

But she is once again cut off by Charlie "Please I think I know what he's going to ask you and I think I know the answer: No. It's always no, what are the house rules #1 no dating till you graduate, #2 no dating till you graduate. That's it"

"Daddy that's so unfair" Rosalie whines

"Alright you wanna know what's unfair? This is for you too Bella, this morning I delivered a set of twins to a 15 year old girl. Do you know what she said to me?" Charlie asks his daughters

"I'm a crack hore who should have made my slezzy boyfriend wear a condom?" Rosalie asks

Charlie stops and thinks for a moment.

"Close but no. She said "I should have listened to my father"

"She did not" Rosalie says rolling her eyes

"Well that's what she would've said if she wasn't so doped up" Charlie Says simply

Rosalie begins to get impatient "Can we focus on me for a second please? I am the only girl in school who's not dating"

"Oh no you're not, your sisters not dating" Charlie says

"And I don't intend to" Bella says to Rosalie

"And why is that again?" Charlie is pleased and points to Rosalie, expecting Bella to justify him.

"Have you seen the unwashed miscreants, juvenile delinquents that go to that school" Bella says screwing her nose.

"Where did you come from planet loser?" Rosalie asks her loudly

"As opposed to planet 'look at me' look at me'" Bella says imitating Rosalie's voice

"Okay here's how we solve this one. Old rule out, new rule: Rosalie can date..."

Rosalie lights up and Bella looks upset

"…When she does" Charlie says pointing to Bella

"But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?" Rosalie yells

Charlie is smiling very pleased with his new rule "Then you'll never date. Oh I like that. And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated"

His beeper goes off and he heads for the door. Bella heads for the stairs

"We'll talk about Dartmouth later" Charlie says pointing to Bella

"Fine" Bella grumbles

"Wait Daddy?" Rosalie calls out

"I gotta go" Charlie says walking out the door.

"Can't you find some blind deaf retard to take you out to the movies so I can have just one date?" Rosalie calls out to her sister

"I'm sorry. Looks like you'll just have to miss out on the witty repartee of James 'eat me' Donner" Bella says smiling

"You suck" Rosalie says

"You suck" Bella says imitating her sister's voice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: We need a backer**

TUTORING ROOM DAY

Emmett sits at a table preparing for the French lesson he has scheduled with Rosalie. Rosalie arrives and plops down across from him

"Can we make this quick Lauren and Tyler are having an incredibly horrendous public break up on the quad, again"

"Oh yeah um okay. I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's alright with you?" Emmett asks her nervously.

"Not the hacking and gagging and spiting part, please" She says disgusted

"Well there is an alternative. French Food. We could eat some together…Saturday" Emmett says avoiding her eyes

"You're asking me out? That's so cute. What's your name again?" Rosalie asks smiling

"Emmett. Listen I know that your dad doesn't let you date. But I thought that if it was for French class"

"Oh wait a minute Evan…" Rosalie begins

"Emmett" He tells her

"My dad just came up with a new rule. I can date when my sister does" Rosalie tells him

"You're kidding! Well let me ask you, do you like sailing cause I read about a place that rents out boats…"

Rosalie cuts him off "A beaucoup problem Ethan. In case you haven't noticed my sister's a particular breed of loser"

"Yeah yeah. I noticed she's a little anti-social why that is?" Emmett asks her

Rosalie sighs "UN solved mystery, she used to be really popular, and then it's like…she got sick of it or something. There is a bet as to why but I'm pretty sure she's just incapable of human interaction. Plus she's a bitch!"

"Well yeah, but I'm sure, you know, that there's lots of guys who wouldn't mind going out with a…difficult woman. I mean you know people jump out of airplanes, ski, and jump off of cliffs. It would be like extreme dating" Emmett tells her.

"You think you could find someone that extreme?" Rosalie asks excitedly

"Yeah sure why not?" Emmett asks her

Rosalie reaches out and touches his arm

"Would you do that for me?" Rosalie asks him

"Of Course!" he shouts excitedly, slightly embarrassed he coughs and starts again "I mean, you know, I could look into it."

A STAIRWELL ON CAMPUS

Jasper leads Emmett down a set of concrete steps to a gathering of dating candidates for Bella.

"Now I have gathered a group of guys. Couldn't be more perfect. Padua's finest." Jasper tells Emmett.

They enter a dank room, wherein a very motley crew of the unlikely specimen one waits would expect. Emmett shots Jasper an unsatisfied grimace.

"Hi how ya doing? Would any of you be interested in dating Isabella Swan?" Emmett asks them all.

What follows is a truncated interview process, where each candidate in turn sits in the interview chair and gives his response.

The first candidate laughs hysterically.

The second candidate stares blankly

"No I've never been that ripped" The third candidate states

"Maybe if we were the last 2 people alive, and there were no sheep…Are there sheep?" The last one state.

Emmett and Jasper walk out of the room,

"Well that was great" Emmett states sarcastically

"Yeah well I haven't seen you come up with any great ideas" Jasper replies back to him.

BIOLOGY CLASS DAY

Several dissection charts of Frog anatomy hang on the walls. The class is busy dissecting frogs. Emmett and Jasper naturally are lab partners. Edward and his punk rock friend Jacob are hacking away at the specimen in front of them; Edward turns and begins to fling frog guts at the people around the room.

"Did or did I not, tell you it was pointless. No one will go out with her" Jasper tells his friend.

Edward pulls out a pocket knife and begins to stab his frog violently. Emmett has noticed.

"Hey what about him?" Emmett asks

"Him? No. no don't look at him, okay? He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just did a year in San Quentin" Jasper says shaking his head.

"Yeah, well then at least his horny" Emmett jokes

Jasper gives him a stern look "I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market for a new set of speakers" Jasper tells him

Edward has taken out a cigarette, but just as he lights it on the Bunsen burner, Jacob takes it and snuffs it out, frustrated Edward plays with the Bunsen burner instead.

"He's our guy" Emmett nods approvingly.

Edward notices them watching him and they quickly turn away.

WOODSHOP DAY

Boys and a few stray girls nail their places of wood. Emmett and Jasper enter, and Emmett approaches Edward optimistically.

"Hi, how ya doing? Listen I…" Emmett begins

In response, Edward displays a loud power tool and drills a hole in the middle of Emmett's beloved French book.

"…Okay later then" Emmett says walking away.

Jasper turns to Emmett "Well that went well"

A HALLWAY DAY

Jasper is staring through the hole in Emmett's French book.

"How do we get him to date Bella?" Jasper asks

"I don't know I mean uh we could pay him. But we don't have any money" Emmett says pacing

"Yeah well what we need is a backer" Jasper says standing next to Emmett

"What's that?" Emmett asks confused

"Someone with money who's stupid" Jasper states

They both look thoughtful.

CAFETERIA DAY

James and his friends sit at a table while James draws a pair of breasts on a cafeteria tray with a magic marker.

Jasper walks up and sits at the table, casual as can be.

"Is that a peach fruit roll up? Because you don't see many…" Jasper reached for the roll up but James friend grabs his wrist as he reaches for the roll up.

"Oh okay. Yeah. Alright" Jasper says continuing.

His wrist is released as he withdraws his hand.

"Are you lost?" James asks him

"No actually, I just came by to chat" Jasper says calmly.

"We don't chat" James says emphasising on the We

"Well actually, I thought that I'd run an idea by you. Just to see if you're interested" Jasper tells him

"I'm not" James says bluntly

"Well, hear me out. Now…" Jasper begins

James grabs Jasper by the side of the head and proceeds to draw a penis on his cheek with a magic marker. Jasper suffers the indignity and speaks undaunted.

Jasper continues "…you want Rosalie right? But she can't go out with you because her sister is this insane head case and no one will go out with her right?" Jasper say

"Does this conversation have a purpose?" James asks bluntly

"What I think you need to do is, you need to hire a guy who'll go out with her. Someone who doesn't scare so easy"

Jasper points to Edward, who sits with Jacob. Edward throws food at some jocks that walk pass.

"That guy? I heard he ate a live duck once" James says

"Everything but the beak and feet. Clearly he's a solid investment" Jasper tells him.

James turns to look at Jasper

"What's in it for you?" James asks suspiciously

"Hey. I'm walking down the hall and say hello to you. You say hello to me"

"Yeah Yeah I get it. You're cool by association. I'll think about it." James tells him

Jasper looks pleased and bobs his head as if grooving to music

"Where done here" James says

"Yeah" Jasper says standing up.

He walks to the back of the room where Emmett was waiting anxiously,

"What are we doing getting involved?" Emmett asks sounding upset.

"Relax now relax. We let him pretend he's calling the shots. While he's setting things up, you have time with Rosalie" Jasper says silently

"That is a good idea" Emmett says to him

Emmett leaves, while Jaspers left standing there

"There's a dick on my face isn't there"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: My insurance dosen't cover PMS**

SCHOOL OVAL DAY

The girls' soccer team is practising. James makes his way towards Edward and Jacob who are sitting on a bench smoking.

"Hey how ya doing?" James asks casually

Edward ignores him completely

James tries to break the ice "I had some great duck last night"

"Do I know you?" Edward asks annoyed

"See that girl?" James asks pointing towards Bella

He turns to see Bella playing soccer on the field quite aggressively.

"Yeah" Edward says

"That's Bella Swan. I want you to go out with her" James says

"Yeah sure, Sparky" Edward says sarcastically.

He and Jacob laugh at the idea.

"Look. I can't take out her sister until Bella starts dating. You see, their dad's whacked out. He's got this rule where the girls…"

Edward cut him off "That's a touching story. It really is. Not my problem"

"Would you be willing to make it our problem if I provided generous compensation?" James asks him

"So let me get this straight you're going to pay me to take out some chick?" Edward asks him

"Mm Hmm" James says pleased

"How much?" Edward asks

"Twenty Bucks" James says

Edward turns to have another look at Bella. She violently body slams another girl and knocks her down.

"Fine. 30" James says continuing

"Well let's think about this. We go to the movies. That's uh, 15 bucks. We get popcorn that's uh 53. And uh she'll want Raisonettes, right? So were looking at 75 bucks" Edward says finally

"This ain't a negotiation. Take it or leave it Trailor Park" James says

"50 bucks and we've got a deal, Fabio" Edward says

James hands him 50 bucks.

SOCCER FIELD DAY

Bella and the rest of the team complete their practice session. Coach Clapp calls the girls in over his megaphone.

"Great practice, everybody" He calls out

Edward snuffs out a cigarette and approaches Bella

"Hey there girlie. How ya doing?" Edward asks her

"Sweating like a pig actually. And yourself?" Bella asks

"Now there's a way to get a guy's attention, huh?" Edward says smiling

"My mission in life" Bella stands there undaunted, hand on her hip.

"But obviously I've stuck your fancy. So you see it worked. The world makes sense again" She says walking away, he follows her

"Pick you up Friday, then" Edward says

Bella doesn't even turn around "Oh, right. Friday uh huh"

"The night I take you to places you've never been before" Edward tells her.

"Like where? The 7 elven on Broadway? Do you even know my name, screwboy?" Bella says turning to face him.

"I know a lot more than you think" Edward says

"Doubtful. Very doubtful" Bella says walking away laving Edward standing alone.

ACROSS THE FIELD  
Emmett and Jasper watch

"We are screwed" Emmett says

"Hey, no hey. I don't want to hear that defeatist attitude. I want to hear you upbeat."

Emmett turns to him plastering a fake smile on his face

"Were Screwed!" He says cheerfully

"There you go" Jasper says.

SWAN HOUSE/BATHROOM NIGHT

Bella washes her face at the sink. Rosalie enters behind her.

"Have you ever considered a new look? I mean, seriously you could have some definite potential buried under all this hostility" Rosalie says playing with Bella's ponytail

"I'm not hostile. I'm annoyed" Bella says flipping her hair out of Rosalie's grasp.

"Why don't you try being nice? People wouldn't know what to think?" Rosalie says

"You forget. I don't care what people think" Bella tells her

"Yes you do" Rosalie says sighing

"No I don't. You don't always have to be who they want you to be you know" Bella says leaning on the counter

"I happen to like being adored thank you" Rosalie says playing with a pair of pearls that hung loosely from her neck.

"Where'd you get the pearls?" Bella asks

"They're mum's" Rosalie tells her

Bella begins to get upset "And what you've been hiding them for 3 years?"

"No. daddy found them in the drawer last week" Rosalie says

"So you're just going to start wearing them now?" Bella asks her getting angry

"It's not like she's coming back to claim them and besides, they look good on me" Rosalie says looking in the mirror

"Trust Me they don't" Bella says walking away

DOWNTOWN STREET DAY

Bella emerges form a music store. Edward is waiting for her, leaning against her front fender.

"Nice ride. Vintage fenders?" Edward asks her casually

"Are you following me?" Bella asks eyeing him

"I was in the Laundromat. I saw your car, I came over to say hi" He explains

"Hi" Bella says

She moves to open the door, but he slides over and blocks her way.

"Not a big talker, huh?" Edward asks

"Depends on the topic. My fenders don't really whip me into a verbal frenzy" Bella says sarcastically

Edward seems genuinely intrigued by her resistance "You're not afraid of me, are you?"

Bella scoffs "Afraid of you, why would I be afraid of you?"

"Well most people are" he tells her

"Well I'm not" Bella says

"Well, maybe you're not afraid of me. But I'm sure you've thought about me naked, huh?" Edwards says giving her a knowing wink

Bella fakes a gasp "Am I really that transparent? I want you, I need you, Oh baby, oh baby" she says in a nonchalant tone.

She opens her door and forces him out of the way.

She starts to pull out and is blocked by James's sports car, which pulls up perpendicular to her and parks. James's emerges and heads for the store

"What is this? Asshole day?" she mumbles to herself, she pokes her head out of the window "Hey do you mind?" She yells out t James

"Not at all" James says smugly

He continues into the store. Bella stares at him in disbelief and then backs up fast. Her vintage fenders crash into the door of James precious ego-mobile.

Edward watches with a delighted grin on his face as James races back to his car.

"You Bitch!" James yells going back to the car

Bella watches with an innocent look of surprise

"Whoops" she says sarcastically

SWAN HOUSE DAY

Charlie paces as Bella sits calmly on the couch.

"Whoops?! My insurance doesn't cover PMS" he yells

"Well, then tell them I had a seizure" Bella says sighing

"Is this about Dartmouth? Are you punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?" Charlie asked bending down in front of her

"Aren't you punishing me because mum left?" She asked him

"You think you could leave her out of this?"

"Fine then stop making my decisions for me" Bella says standing up

"I'm your father that's my right" Charlie says

"So what I want doesn't matter?" Bella asks

"You're eighteen. You don't know what you want. And when you do know what you want and you won't know what you want until your 45 and if you get it you'll be too old to use it" Charlie says

"I want to go to an East Coast school! I want you to trust me to make my own choices. And I want you to stop trying to control my life just because you can't handle yours" Bella says getting angry.

"Oh Yeah? Well you know what I want…" Charlie's beeper goes off "We'll continue this later"

"Can't wait" Bella says sarcastically

She heads out of the room and is intercepted by Rosalie, who's just off the phone

"Did you just maim James's car?" Rosalie asks angrily

"Yeah looks like you're gonna have to take the bus" Bella tells her smiling

"Has the fact that your completely psycho managed to escape your attention?" Rosalie asks her

Bella just rolls her eyes and walks away

"Daddy!" Rosalie calls out


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: KD LANG FAN**

HALLWAY DAY

Edward shuts his locker revealing James's angry look, glaring next to him.

"When I shell out fifty, I expect results" James's says

"Yeah, I'm working on it" Edward tells him

"Watching the bitch violate my car doesn't count as a date" James's says angrily

"If you don't get any, I don't get any lets go get some" James says walking off

"I just upped my price" Edward yells out after him

"What?" James asks turning around

"A hundred bucks a date. In advance" Edward says

"Forget it" James's tells him

"Forget her sister then" Edward says shrugging.

James thinks for a frustrated moment, and then peels another fifty out of his wallet.

"You better hope you're as smooth as you think you are Cullen"

Edward takes the money with a smile.

SHOP CLASS DAY

Jasper and Emmett enter the class, Jacob brushes pass them

"Go" Emmett tells Jasper

"No you go" Jasper says

"I went before" Emmett says

Jasper pushes Emmett into the direction where Edward is working with a buffer

"We know what you're trying to do, with Bella Swan" Emmett says

"Is that right? And what do you plan to do about it?" Edward says

"Help you out" Emmett says

"Whys that?" Edward asks confused

"The situation is, my man Emmett here has a major jones for Rosalie Swan" Jasper explains

"What is it with this chick? She have beer flavoured nipples?" Edward asks

"Hey!" Emmett buts in

"I think I speak correctly when I say that Emmett's love is pure. Purer than say James's Dinners" Jasper tells him

"Look. I'm in on this for the cash. Donner can plow whoever he wants" Edward says shrugging.

"Okay, there will be no plowing!" Emmett says defensively

Jasper cuts in "Edward uh Ed. Let me explain something to you here. We set this whole thing up so Emmett can get the girl. Emmett. James's is just a pawn"

Edward turns to the pair "So you're going to help me tame the wild beast?"

Jaspers grinning "We'll do some research. We'll find out what she likes. We are your guys"

Emmett turns to Edward "And he means that in the strictly non prison-movie type of way"

"Let's start here. Now Friday night Eric Yorkie is having a party. It's the perfect opportunity" Jasper says

"Opportunity for what" Edward asks

"For you to take out Bella" Jasper explains

"I'll think about it" Edward says walking away, leaving Jasper and Emmett grinning at each other.

"And for a little payback, this is gonna be some party" Jasper says

Jasper and Emmett hold a stack of flyers explain that there was a party at Eric Yorkies

"Let's do this" Jasper says, the boys throw the flyers over a stair railing watching as people pick them up off the ground

HALLWAY DAY

James stands at his locker with Rosalie

"Okay now this is important. Which do you like better?" James holds up two identical glamour model photos. In one he's wearing a white shirt and in the other a black.

"Um, I think I like the white shirt better." Rosalie says

James nods thoughtfully

"Yeah it's more"

But Rosalie cuts him off "Pensive?" she asks

"Damn I was going for thoughtful. So you going to Eric Yorkies party on Friday night" He asks her

"Yeah I might" Rosalie says

He gives her his best flirtatious smile

"Good because you know I'm not gonna bother if you won't be there"

The class bell rings

"See you there" He says

"Okay"

"Bye"

She walks away, he turns to look at himself in the mirror in his locker and winks to himself and immediately fixes a hair that's fallen out of place.

UNDER A BRIDGE DAY

Rosalie and Emmett are on a nice walk together. No one else is there

"So have you heard about Eric Yorkies party?" Emmett asks her

Rosalie pouts "Yes and I really, really, really want to go but I can't not unless my sister goes"

"Yeah I know I'm working on that. But so far she's not going for my guy" He begins fishing for information

"She's not a…" he begins

"KD Lang fan? No I found a picture of Johnny Deep in her drawer once, so I'm pretty sure she's not harbouring same sex tendencies" Rosalie says to him

"Okay so that's the kind of guy she likes? Pretty guys?" Emmett asks

Rosalie sighs "I don't know. All I've ever heard her say is that she'd die before she dated a guy that smokes"

Emmett nods "Okay, all right. What else?"

"You're asking me to investigate the inner workings of my sister's twisted mind? I don't think so" Rosalie says looking up at him

"Well nothing else has worked. I mean, we need to go behind enemy lines here"

BELLAS BEDROOM

Rosalie rifles through Bella's drawers while Emmett watches with notable interest

"Okay here we go" As she names off pertinent discoveries she hands them to him

"Class schedule, reading list, date book, concert tickets, um aha Black panties" Rosalie says holding them up

"What does that tell us?" Emmett asks confused

"She wants to have sex someday that's what" Rosalie says putting them back

Emmett is flustered by this intimate detail "She could just like the colour"

"You don't buy black lingered unless you want someone to see it" Rosalie states as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh. So can I see your room?" Emmett asks her

Rosalie looks embarrassed "No, a girl's room is very personal"

"Oh" Emmett says

BIKER BAR NIGHT

Jasper and Emmett arrive on Jaspers dumpy motorbike and park next to a hard looking cat on a heavy bike

"Nice Bike" the biker says sarcastically

Jasper eyes his bike "You really think so?"

The biker rides off without answering

Emmett and Jasper make their way through the surly denizens of the saloon, who watch them in wonder.

"Wow is this what a bar looks like?" Emmett asks

"Don't touch anything. You may get hepatitis" Jasper tells him

They head towards Edward who is playing pool by himself. As they pass another table, Jasper picks up the eight ball, ruining the game-winning shot, a tough guy is making. Jasper tosses it back on the table without realizing what he's done.

"So what have you got for me?" Edward asks

"A little insight into a very complicated girl" Emmett tells him

"Just one question before we start: should you be drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?" Jasper asks Edward

"What?!" Edward says

"Nothing Nothing" Jasper says

"First things: Bella hates smokers" Emmett says taking the cigarette out of Edwards fingers and drops it on the floor. Edward isn't pleased.

"You're telling me I'm a – non-smoker?" Edward asks

"Yeah. But just for now." Jasper reassures him.

"And there's another problem. Rosalie said that Bella likes, pretty guys" Emmett says which is met with silence then:

"Are you telling me I'm not a pretty guy?" Edward asks

"He's very pretty! He's a gorgeous guy" Jasper says making peace

"I wasn't sure, I didn't know" Emmett says

Emmett pulls out a list of information

"Alright. Okay likes: Thai food, feminist prose and angry, girl music of the indie-rock persuasion. Here's a list of CD's that she has in her room" Emmett says handing Edward a list.

"So I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks who can't play there instruments right" Edward asks

"Have you ever been to club Skunk?" Jasper asks

"Her favourite band is playing there tomorrow night" Emmett says

"I can't be seen at Club Skun, alright?" he said spitting the name out

"But she'll be there she has tickets" Emmett says

"Just assail your ears for one night" Jasper tells him

"She has a pair of black underwear, if that helps" Emmett adds

With a wink-wink-nudge-nudge voice "Couldn't hurt right?" Jasper adds.

CLUB SKUNK NIGHT

Edward walks down the hallway toward the stage and is eyed suspiciously by various girls down the hallway. He enters, searches the crowd and finds Bella dancing with Alice. He sits down at the bar.

"Cullen! What are you doing here tonight?" The bartender shouts out

Bella stops dancing and shouts at her friends "I need Aqua!" She heads for the bar.

"Two waters please" She says to the bartender

She spots Edward and looks disgusted, she heads over to him

"If you're planning on asking me out again, you might as well just get it over with" She says to him

Edward is pretending to be absorbed by the music "Would you mind you're kind of ruining this for me"

"You're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke" She said to him

"I know. I quit, apparently there bad for you" Edward tells her.

Bella is too surprised to be sarcastic "You did?" she asks

"You know these guys are no bikini kill or raincoats but there not bad" Edward says

He stands and heads off into the crowd. Stunned for a moment, Bella rushes after him

"You know who the Raincoats are?" Bella asks him

"Why? Don't you? I was watching you out there…"

The song ends and there is a moment of silence in the club as he continues to use his loud club volume voice

"I've never seen you look so sexy"

The crowd hears him clearly and laughs. He grins with amusement

"Come to Eric's party with me" Edward pleads

"You never give up do you" Bella says walking through the crowd

"Was that yes?" Edward yells

"No" she shouts over her shoulder

"Well, was that a no?" Edward yells

"No" Bella yells

"I'll see you at 9:30 then" Edward yells after her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: And Hells Just A Sauna **

SWAN HOUSE NIGHT

Rosalie and Jessica are dolled up in party clothes and are attempting to sneak down the stairs and out the door. Charlie is reading the paper, facing the opposite direction

"You should of used the window" Charlie calls out

Rosalie pretends everything is normal "Hi daddy"

"Hi. Where are you going?" Charlie asks

"Well if you must know, a small study group of friends" Rosalie says innocently

"Otherwise known as an orgy?" Charlie asks

"Mr Swan, it's just a party" Jessica pipes in

"And hell is just a Sauna" He says back

Bella comes walking down the stairs, oblivious of what's going on. Charlie directs his attention towards Bella

"You know about any party?" He asks

Bella shrugs and shakes her head

"People expect me to be there" Rosalie yells

"If Bella's not going then you're not going" Charlie tells her

Rosalie turns to Bella "Why can't you be normal"

"Define normal" Bella adds

"Eric Yorkies party is normal" Rosalie tells her

"What's a Erik Yorkie?" Charlie asks Jessica

"Eric's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their…"

Rosalie and Jessica are familiar with this old rant and chime in to finish her sentence for her

"Meaningless, consumer-driven lives"

Bella stops short. Surprised she's become so predictable

"Can you for just one night, forget that you're completely wretched and be my sister? Please? Pleases?! C'mon Bella, please do this for me" Rosalie says sincerely

Bella is swayed "Fine, I'll make an appearance"

Rosalie and Jessica look at each other, thrilled and burst into gleeful screams hugging Bella from either side.

"It's starting" Charlie says

"It's just a party daddy" Rosalie says

Charlie seems dazed "I want you to wear the belly" Charlie says

"Daddy no!" Rosalie gasps

"Not all night. Just around the living room for a minute so you can understand the full weight of your decisions" Charlie says rushing to the cupboard and pulls out a padded faux-pregnancy jacket. Rosalie limply holds out her arms in defeat he hangs it on her.

"I am perfectly aware…" Rosalie says but is cut off

"Listen to me. Every time you even think about kissing a boy, I want you to picture wearing this under your halter top" Charlie says

"You are so completely unbalanced" Rosalie Sighs

"Uh huh" Charlie replies

"Were going now" Bella says walking towards the door

Charlie turns to Bella "Alright, wait a minute No drinking. No drugs. No kissing, No tattoos, No piercings. No ritual animal slaughter of any kind. Oh god I'm giving them ideas" He mumbles

Bella rolls her eyes and opens the door and there stands Edward

"What are you doing here?" Bella asks

"Nine Thirty right?" Edward asks

Bella is in complete shock

"I'm early" Edward says

"Whatever I'm driving" Bella says walking past him

Edward peeks inside "Who knocked up your sister?"

JASPERS HOUSE NIGHT

Emmett and Jasper are preparing to go to the party. Jasper employs a variety of questionable beautification techniques.

"So then Rosalie said that I was right. That she didn't wear the Kenneth Coles with that dress because she thought it was mixing genres. Right? And the fact that I noticed and this is a direct quote really meant something" Emmett looks at Jasper expectantly.

"You told me that part already" Jasper says

"I've been thinking about it all the time…" Emmett says

"Stop being so self-involved for one minute. How do I look?" Jasper asks

"You look like my great uncle Milton" Emmett tells him.

"You think I should lose the tie?" Jasper asks him

"Yeah" Emmett says as it is the most obvious thing ever.

"Maybe your right. I'm just so nervous. You know? And I'm also very excited. I'm nervous and excited and it's all very mixed up. I don't know…"

Emmett interrupts him "Okay, alright just calm down"

"The last party I went to was a t Chuck E Cheese. You wanna talk about some fun, that's a good time" jasper says laughing.

ERIC YORKIES HOUSE NIGHT

A huge pack of party goers, carrying kegs and ready to have fun, charge through the night like hungry wolves, descending Eric's well-lit upscale suburban home.

Inside Eric's house, the future MBA's are sitting around smoking cigars. The doorbell rings an goes to get it, but before he gets to the door, the room is stampeded with partiers within seconds the house is filled to capacity. A DJ is suddenly spinning and booze is everywhere.

UPSATAIRS ERICS'S NIGHT

Jasper drifts through an archway with a beer in his hand and bee-lines for a busty blonde

"You know, I'm thinking about getting a Tercel, yeah that's a Toyota"

She winces and she and her friends start to walk away

Jasper shouts after her "It has dual side airbags and a spacious back seat"

Across the way Bella and Edward come up the stairs to the balcony. Edward encounters a very drunk and happy girl

"Kiss Me!" She shouts, she embraces him and he turns her around and nudges her into the arms of a lonely guy on the chair.

"Kiss Him" Edward says, she immediately falls upon the lucky guys lips. He manages to tear himself away for a moment as Edward passes "Hey thanks man!"

Bella has made her way into the next room, where she is met by James

"Sweet! Looking fresh tonight, Pussy Babe"

Bella gives him a dark look and then stops and points at his forehead "Wait was that? Did your hairline just recede?"

He's flustered for a moment. When he recover she's already gone away.

"Hey where ya going?" James asks chasing her

"Away" She says

"Your sister here?" James asks

Bella turns to glare at him "Stay away from my sister" She growls

James smirks "Oh I'll stay away from your sister. But I can't guarantee shell stay away from me"

A ruckus sounds from the next room and a jock jumps up in front of them "FIGHT!" he yells

James immediately disappears to find the fight. He and the Jock run off to watch. Two guys are slugging it out. Eric watches in horror

"You guys please take it out side" He yells, they wrestle and crash through the bay window out into the grass "Thankyou"

Bella pushes through the gathered crowd to get away and encounters James with Rosalie on his arm

"Hey Bella, look who found me" James says smirking

James and Rosalie walk away, she ignores Bella

"Rose wait!" Bella calls

Rosalie turns around annoyed "Please don't address me in public!"

"No wait. There's something I need to tell you" Bella says

"Look I am busy enjoying my adolescence, so scamper off and do the same" Rosalie says

James loving this turns to Bella "Bye-Bye"

They leave a dejected Bella behind. A guy with a plate of shots slides up next to Bella "Want one?"

Edward appears behind her as she snatches a shot and downs it a grimace of discomfort

"What's this?" Edward asks her shocked

"Right on" The shot guy says walking away

"I've been looking for you all over the place" Edward says to Bella

"I've been getting trashed man. Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?" She says mockingly.

"I dunno. I say do what you wanna do" he says

"Funny you're the only one. Later" Bella pushes into the crowd

ERICS LIVING ROOM NIGHT

Jasper spots another pairs of girls and tries his luck again. He does a weak impression of an Irish jig.

"Lord of the Dance. Hi Heather" Jasper says

Heather turns to him "Bite Me", she walks away

Undaunted and still quite cherry "Should have kept the tie"

Emmett comes up behind him. "Hey have you seen her around anywhere?"

Jasper spots Rosalie and Jessica coming down the stairs and points Emmett in her direction

"Relax. Relax I'm telling you follow the love"

Emmett walks over to the girls "Hi Rosalie"

Rosalie looks at Emmett "Oh hi Emmett, uh do you know Jessica"

A bit uncomfortable, she pushes Jessica between them

"Yeah I think we have art together, right?" Emmett asks Jessica

Jessica is not amused "Great"

"So, uh Rosalie you look amazing" Emmett tells her

Jessica shows pitiable disdain at his obvious pass.

"Thanks" Rosalie says uncomfortably

James comes down the stairs and has overheard Emmett's last compliment. Jessica looks him up and down approvingly.

"We all know I look amazing"

Both of the girls giggle

"Rosalie lets go. Were all congregating around Mr Cuervo" James says

Rosalie turns to Emmett "Uh I'll see you around okay?"

James and the girls walk away as Emmett stares in disbelief. James looks back just long enough to flash him a thumbs up. Emmett is crushed


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: The Kiss that was a miss**

A ROOM ERICS HOUSE NIGHT

Rosalie walks next to James as he blathers about modelling.

"So I've got the Sears Catalogue thing going, and the tube sock gig. That is going to be huge" James pauses as someone screams and falls off the roof outside window.

"And I'm up for a haemorrhoid cream ad next week"

Rosalie looks truly offended.

"I know it sounds kind of bogus, but I get to do some acting" He pauses again, this time to place his empty can of Budweiser atop a large beer-can pyramid. He then strikes a pose. Rosalie isn't watching.

"See what I did there?" James asks her

"Um…uh huh" Rosalie says

"That was underwear. I'll show you the bathing suit one next" He strikes a pose and it's exactly the same.

"You see the difference?" He says

Rosalie turns away looking disgusted again. He notices her lack of interest and takes in stride, turning immediately to someone behind him

"Okay I'll show you" He says.

Rosalie uses the opportunity to slip away.

ERICS DEN

Rosalie walks through the crowd, and spots James through an archway striking poses for a crowd. She turns away and faces Emmett, who is obviously not happy with the evening's turn of events. Rosalie decided to avoid the inevitable conflict and pulls Jessica in the opposite direction

"Is it just me or does this party all of a sudden suck?" They walk away. Emmett looks sour.

ERICS KITCHEN NIGHT

Edward is searching for Bella. He spots Bella, who is already very drunk, standing with a fresh shot in her hand. Edward tries to remove the shot glass from Bella's hands.

"Hey, hey hey why don't you let me have this one, huh?"

Bella is fierce in her refusal and pulls the shot away

"No this one's mine" Bella says rushing off

James enters, grabbing Edward by the shoulder, distracting him from following Bella

"My Man! How did you get her to do it?" James asks

"Do what?" Edward asks

"Act like a human"

They both notice Bella has climbed up on a table in the next room and is dancing. James is very pleased and rushes to watch. Others form a crowd, clapping and cheering her on. Rosalie sees her from the balcony and rushes off. Bella completes her dance by knocking her head on a pot and falling off the table, Edward catches her, and everyone cheers and wonders off.

"Are you okay?" Edward asks her

"I'm fine" Bella replies trying to sit up, but falls back again

"You're not fine. C'mon" Edward leads her out to walk away from the table and down the hall.

"I just need to lie down somewhere" Bella says

"Uh, huh you lie down and you'll go to sleep" Edward says

"Sleep is good" Bella mumbled

"Yeah not if you have a concussion" Edward tells her.

ERICS HOUSE NIGHT 

A few party goers stand around as Edward guides Bella toward a stone bench.

"Come on, here sit down" As Edward sits Bella down, Emmett comes up next to him.

"Hey, hey we need to talk" Emmett says

"I'm a little busy right now" Edward says looking over at Bella

"Can you give me a second" Emmett pesters

Edward steps aside with him

"It's off okay? The whole things off" Emmett says

"What're you talking about?" Edward asks him

"She never wanted me, she wanted James the whole time" Emmett says looking down

Edward doesn't have time for this "Cameron do you like the girl?"

"Yeah" Emmett mumbles

"Yeah, and is she worth all the trouble?" Edward asks impatiently

"Well, I thought she was. But you know…" Emmett begins

"Well she is or she isn't. See first of all James is not half the man you are, secondly don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it!" Edward says

Bella begins to fall off the bench and Edward catches her again, he stands her up and they walk away.

"C'mon" Edward says

Edward continues walking an oblivious Bella away from the party. Emmett stands there, unsure how to make of this advice.

THE STRETT OUTSIDE ERICS HOUSE NIGHT

Edward marches Bella down the street holding her up. They head up a hill.

Bella is fed up of being held "You're so patronizing"

"Leave it to you to use big words when you're smashed" Edward says

She pushes his arm off and tries to walk on her own "I don't think so"

She falls down and stands back up again.

"Okay…" Edward says holding up his hands ready to catch her

"Why are you doing this?" Bella asks

"I told you. You have a concussion" Edward tells her

"You don't care if I never wake up" Bella says looking at him

Edward grins "Sure I do"

"Why?"

They reach a set of two swings hedged by ivy and stop.

"Well then because then I'd have to start taking out girls who actually like me" Edward says

"Like you could find one" Bell says

"See that, there? Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?" Edward says smirking

"Let me sit down for a while" She walks over to the swings and plops down on one, moving her hands to hang onto the ropes. Bella sits and looks at Edward for a moment with a smile. Then falls over backward, just in time to be caught again

"Jesus" Edward mumbles

Edward sits on the other swing "so why's you let him get to you?" Edward asks

"Who?"

"James" Edward says

"I hate him" Bella sighs

"Well you've chosen the perfect revenge: mainlining tequila"

They both laugh

"Well you know what they say…" Bella says

Edward stops swinging "No what do they say?" Edwards asked looking at her

Bella is asleep, her head resting against the swings rope, concerned about her falling asleep with a possible concussion Edward rushes to wake her up.

"No, no no no no! Bella! C'mon, wake up! Look at me! Listen to me, Bella. Open your eyes!" Edward yells

He slaps her lightly and she slowly opens her eyes.

Bella looks at Edward "Your eyes have a little gold in them" He sighs with relief and smiles. They make meaningful eye contact, and then she vomits at his feet.

ERIC YORKIES DRIVEWAY NIGHT

Kids loiter outside. Rosalie and Jessica are waiting

"I don't know if we should go…" Rosalie says

James comes up to them

"Hey a bunch of us are going to Tyler's house. Ready?" he asks looking at the girls

"Uh I have to be home in twenty minutes" Rosalie says

Jessica turns eagerly to James "You know, I don't have to be home til two. So…"

James turns to Rosalie "One more chance"

Rosalie is UN interested "oh man, I can't, damn"

"That's a shame" Jessica says to James "Well?"

James looks at Jessica "You wanna go"

Jessica nods eagerly

"Jessica" Rosalie calls out after her "Hey you passed" Jessica leaves with James.

"Bitch" she mumbles to herself.

Emmett exits the party and stops when he sees Rosalie standing alone

"Hey, have fun tonight" Emmett says to Rosalie slightly harsh.

"Tons" she relies unenthused

He starts to walk off

"Emmett?" Rosalie calls out

He stops, she gives him a helpless smile

"Do you think you could give me a ride home?" Rosalie asks

He stops, facing away from her. He looks very put-out.

BELLA'S CAR NIGHT

Edward drives as Bella sits in the passenger seat. She listens to the stereo

"I should do this" She says

"Do what?" Edward asks her

"This" She points to the radio

"Start a band?" Edward asks her

"No install car stereos" She says sarcastically "Yeah, start a band. My father would love that"

Edward pulls up to her house and stops the car

"You don't strike me as the type that would ask your fathers permission"

She turns to look at him

"Oh, so you think you know me?" She asks her voice harsh

"I'm getting there"

Her voices loses its venom "The only thing people know about me is that 'I'm scary'"

"Yeah well I'm no picnic myself" Edward says

They eye each other, sharing a moment of connection.

Avoiding the tension Edward changes the subject "So what's up with your dad? Is he a pain in the ass?"

"No he just wants me to be someone I'm not" Bella says

"Who?"

"Rosalie" Bella says in a posh voice

"Ah…Rosalie no offense or anything, I mean, I know everyone digs your sister. But um… She's without" Edward says scrunching his nose.

Bella stares at him with new admiration.

"You know, you're not as vile as I thought you were" Bella leans drunkenly towards him, their faces grow closer as if they were going to kiss and then Edward pulls away.

"Maybe we should do this another time" Edward says

Bella stares at him, pissed. Then gets out of the car and stomps off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Don't say shit like that in front of him**

EMMETTS CAR NIGHT

Rosalie and Emmett ride in silence. He pulls up in front of her house and finally breaks the silence.

"You never wanted to go sailing with me, did you?" Emmett asks

Rosalie lies to be nice "Yes I did"

"No you didn't" Emmett says

"Well okay no, not actually"

Emmett is upset and disappointed "Well, then that's all you had to say. You always been this selfish?"

Rosalie thinks for a few seconds "Yes" she says meekly

"You know, just because your beautiful, doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter. I mean, I really like you. Okay? I defended you when people called you conceited. I helped you when you asked me too. I learned French for you! And then you just blow me off…"

Rosalie looks like at him for a moment, then grabs his face and gives him a kiss on the lips. He is stunned, she smiles then gets out of the car without another word. Emmett looks like he's just been given a million dollars as she turns, smiles and walks away

"And I'm back baby" He yells regarding his composure.

ENGLISH CLASS DAY

Bella enters the class. A white Rasta kid, pokes fun at her dancing at the party the night before

"Bella, me lady, you sway to the rhythm of me heart"

A cowboy, chimes in as she makes her way to her seat "Dance for me cowgirl"

James adds in "Bella, babe, what do we owe you for the table dance?"

Mr Banner walks in silencing the class "Alright, not that I care, but how was everyone's weekends?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe we should ask Bella"

Mr Banner is unimpressed "Unless she kicked the crap out of your dumb butt, I don't wanna hear about it. Okay, let's open up our books to page 73, sonnet 141. And listen up:"

He quotes from Shakespeare's sonnet with a modern rapper lilt.

"In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes. For they and thee a thousand errors note. But tis mt heart loves what they despise who in despite of view is pleased" Mr Banner continues to talk normally "Now, I know Shakespeare a dead white guy. But he knows his shit, so we can overlook that. I want you all to write your own version of this sonnet"

The class groans in disapproval. Bella raises her hand, Mr Banner in unpleased, he's obviously accustomed to her opposition

"Yes Miss I-have-an-opinion-about-everything?"

"Do you want this in iambic pentameter?" She asks

Mr Banner is shocked "You're not going to fight me on this?"

"No I think it's a really good assignment" Bella said seriously

Mr Banner laughs "Your just messing with me aren't you?" He asks in disbelief

"No, I'm really looking forward to writing it" she says

Mr Banner thinks she's mocking him "Get out of my class"

"What?" She asks shocked

"Out, get out" He says pointing to the door

She looks confused, slowly rises and leaves

"Thanks Mr Banner" James says

"Shut up" Mr Banner says.

HALLWAY DAY

Alice is at her locker. Drawings of William Shakespeare adorn the door. Jasper walks up to her

"Hey that's a cool picture, what's the collar for? Is it to keep him from licking his stiches?" Jasper laughs at his own joke, then notices Alice's lack of amusement.

"Kidding, no because I know you're a fan of Shakespeare"

"More than a fan. Were involved" she says with a sigh

"Ok-ay" he says stretching it out

She continues to ignore him.

Jasper begins to quote Shakespeare "Who could and refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart…"

Alice finishes the quote for him "courage to make love known?"

Jasper thinks for a moment "Macbeth right?"

Alice is happily stunned "Right"

"So listen…I have this friend"

SOCCER FIELD DAY

Emmett sits next to Edward on the bleachers as they watch the girls practice.

"What'd you do to her?" Emmett asks referring to Bella

"I didn't do anything. She would've been too drunk to remember" Edward tells him

"But the plan was working" Emmett says

"What do you care? I thought you wanted out" Edward tells him

"Yeah well I did, but uh, that was until she kissed me"

Edward grins "Where?"

"In the car" Emmett replies innocently

Jasper is jogging up to them from across the jogging track, interrupting a joggers run, he sits with Edward and Emmett.

"Alright so I talked to Alice, I got the scoop"

"What did she say?" Emmett asks

"Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns. That's a direct quote" Jasper says

"Thanks, that's very comforting of you" Edward replies dryly

"We don't know she could just need a day to cool off" Emmett says as a soccer ball flies past them from the field, narrowly missing their heads. Bella menacingly glaring at them.

"Maybe two" Edward says

SCHOOL COURTYARD DAY 

Bella and Alice walk, Bella sees a prom flyer and tears it down as the flier posting girl watches "Hey!" She calls out. Bella doesn't hear and just keeps walking.

"Can you imagine who would go to that antiquated mating ritual?" Bella says

Alice raises her hand "I would But I don't have a date"

Bella looks at her "What about Jasper?"

Alice blushes "He wouldn't go with me"

Bella continues "Besides do you really want to get all dressed up so some drunken Dracker Noir-wearing Dexter with a boner can feel you up while you're forced to listen to a band by that by my definition blows?"

"Alright we won't go. It's not like I've got a dress anyway" Alice says to her

"You're looking at this from entirely the wrong perspective. We're making a statement" Bella says to her.

Alice looks at her unconvinced and sarcastic "Oh goody, something new and different for us."

ARCHERY FIELD DAY

Coach Clapp instructs as boys and girls shoot arrows at targets, James swaggers to Rosalie, who is taking careful aim

"Hey there Cupid"

Rosalie doesn't look at him "Hi, James"

"Your concentrating awfully hard considering its gym class" She turns to look at him and realises the arrow hitting the sports teacher.

Rosalie is clearly uninterested in talking with James "Can I help you?"

"I want to talk to you about prom" James says

"Look you know the deal. I can't go if Bella doesn't go" Rosalie says

Off in the background Coach Clapp crumples to the ground with an arrow sticking out of his rear end. Jessica scurries over to help him.

"Your sister is going" James says

Rosalie looks at him, surprised. "Since When?"

"Oh let's just say I'm taking care of it" James takes an arrow and hands it to her as he walks away.

HALLWAY DAY

James hands 2 $100 bills to Edward

"Here, this should take care of the flowers, the limo, and the tux everything. Just make sure she gets to the prom"

Edward's conscience seems to be bothering him. "You know what? I'm sick of playing your little games" He hands back the cash, James reaches into his pocket again and looks around.

"You sick of, let's say 300?"

Edward looks a bit tortured but eventually takes the money.

GUITAR STORE DAY

Bella is playing a guitar with headphones on. Edward comes behind her, then decides to leave her alone.

BOOK STORE DAY

Edward scans the store for Bella, sees her, and follows her from the next row of books. When they reach the end of the aisle, he confronts her.

"Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine Mystique? I've lost my copy"

Bella is not pleased "What are you doing here?"

"I heard there was a poetry reading" Edward said

"Your so…" Bella says trying to find the right word

"Charming?" Edward adds

She turns and begins to walk away

"Wholesome" Edward continues

Bella turns back "Unwelcome"

"You're not as mean as you think you are, you know that?" Edward says

"And you're not as badass as you think you are" Bella say loudly

"Ooo, someone still has their panties in a twist" Edward says

"Don't for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties" Bella says aggressively.

"Then what did I have an effect on?" Edward asks

"Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing" She heads for the door, handing him a copy of The Feminine Mystique as she leaves"

CAFETERIA DAY

Emmett and Jasper flank Edward as he piles food onto his plate

"You're right she's still pissed"

"Sweet love renew thy force" Jasper calls out loudly

Edward leans into him "Hey, man don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you"

Emmett turns to Edward "Look you embarrassed the girl. Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even score"

Edward scowls and walks away

"Listen don't ever say shit like that to him, people can hear you" Jasper says

HALLWAY DAY

Edward hands a wad of cash to a pudgy kid and smiles


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: I charmed him with my wit**

THE BLEACHERS DAY 

Looking down on the field where the girls are practicing soccer, Edward stands atop the bleachers with the microphone in his hand and begins to sing an old love song to Bella. He completes the first verse, as everyone watches, then gives a signal to the pudgy kid he met in the hall earlier. The kid is the leader of the school marching band, which then chimes in and begins playing the music for the song. Bella is thrilled. Edward continues singing and dancing around on the bleachers, until two cops arrive. They grab him as the soccer team applauds his performance. He breaks free and continues hamming about, spanks an officer's bum as he passes, then runs away. Bella is obviously flattered.

DETENTION DAY

Edward and several other miscreants sit quietly, mulling over their misfortune as Coach Clapp presides. Coach Clapp tries to sit on the edge of the desk, grimaces in pain from his arrow wound, and someone in the class giggles.

Bella suddenly enters the room and approaches Coach Clapp, Edward looks up and sees her.

"Um sir? I have some ideas on how we can improve the girls' soccer team"

"Great! Let's talk about it later" Coach Clapp says dismissing her

He turns away and she uses this opportunity to motion to Edward

"The Window" She whispers

He doesn't get it "Window" she says a bit later.

Coach Clapp turns back and she laughs "As you know we have a really big game with Hillcrest High"

Edward runs for the side of the room as Bella distracts Coach Clapp, Coach Clapp begins to turn, but Bella grabs his arm to stop him

She gasps "Your bicep is huge! Oh my god the other ones even bigger. You don't take steroids do you? Because I've heard steroids can severely disintegrate your…package" The class mates murmur.

"That's not that point " Bella says

"Let's hope not" Coach Clapp says

He hears Edward make a creaking noise and tries to turn, she stops him

"The point is, they kick our butts every year. I was thinking. I devised a plan that will enable us to finally defeat them" She says

"Which is?" Coach Clapp asks

Edward is sneaking towards toward the window behind him.

"That thing you taught us?" Bella says

"What thing?" Coach Clapp asks

"Misdirection"

"I taught you that?" Coach Clapp asks

"Yeah. You or Siegfried or Roy. Anyway that's not important. The…"

He tries to turn and Bella grabs his chin to stop him

"Think about it! Um, they're looking left and were running right. Bang we score. We win" Bella says

Bella starts to panic, as Edward has yet to make it out the window.

"Okay but how do we get them to look left?" Coach Clapp asks her

"Uh like this" in desperation Bella lifts her shirt just long enough for Edward to Escape. The miscreants cheer, for both the daring escape and the flesh of skin.

"Okay well now that you've seen the plan, I'm gonna go show the plan to someone else. Okay"

She walks away as the classroom applauds.

IN THE BAY DAY

Edward and Bella peddle a small, rented leisure boat. They are laughing together.

"I can't thank you enough for helping me sneak out of detention. Very Cool" Edward says smiling

"No problem" Bella replies

"I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out of the window, I tell ya. So how did you keep him distracted? Edward asked

Bella turned bright red "I dazzled him with my uh…wits"

After a short pause Edward turns serious "So what 's your excuse?"

"For?"

"Acting the way we do" Edward says

Bella shrugs "I don't like to do what people expect. Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own?"

"So you disappoint them from the start and then you're covered right?" Edward asks

"Something like that"

"Then you screwed up" Edward says looking at her

"How?" Bella asks

"You never disappointed me" After a romantic pause Edward grins at her "Are you up for it?"

"Up for what?"

He motions to the sign for a paintball game.

PAINTBALL PARK DAY

They chase each other around and get covered in paint, having a good time of it. Eventually they end up falling down and literally rolling in the hay, caught in an embrace and a short bit of lip action before the game continues.

SWAN HOUSE DAY

Edward pulls up outside Bella's house and they get out. Paint still streaks their hair.

"No. None of that stuff is true" Edward says

"State trooper?" Bella asks

"Fallacy, Uh dead guy in the parking lot?" Edward asks

"Rumour. The duck?"

"Hearsay Mike Newtons balls?" Edward asks

"Fact, but he deserved it, he tried to grope me in the lunch line" Bella said with a shrug

"Fair enough" Edward says laughing

"The accident?"

"It's real. I lived in Australia until I was ten" Edward told her

"With the pygmies?" Bella asks teasing

"Close with my mum" Edward says laughing

"Where were you last year? I know the porn carers a lie"

"Do you?" Edward asks lifting his eyebrows

They pause for a moment, then laugh

"Tell me something true" Bella says

"Something true? I hate peas" Edward tells her

Bella giggles "No something real. Something no one else know"

In between kissing her neck Edward answers "Okay, you're sweet, and sexy and completely hot for me"

"You're amazingly self-assured. Has anyone ever told you that?" Bella asks jokingly

"I tell myself that every day, actually" He kisses her

"Go to the prom with me" Edward says

"Is that a request or a command?"

"C'mon go with me?"

"No" Bella say

"No? Why Not?" Edward asks

"No I won't go with you" Bella says sternly

"Why not?" Edward asks

"Because I don't want to. It's a stupid tradition" Bella tells him

"C'mon people won't expect you to go"

Bella turns to him, getting angry

"Why are you pushing this? What's in it for you?"

Edward plays the role of the guilty, accused husband, answering with an accusatory question. "Oh, so I need to have a motive to want to be with you?"

"You tell me?" Bella asks

"You need therapy you know that? Has anyone ever told you that?" Edward says

"Answer the question, Edward" Bella says a little hurt and suspicious.

"Nothing! There is nothing in it for me. Just the pleasure of your company, okay?" Edward says angrily

He takes out a cigarette. She throws it away before she storms off and slams the door to the house.

STUDY HALL DAY

Rosalie and Emmett sit together at a table. She glares at him

"May I offer you a parsnip?" Emmett asks in French

"No you may not" Rosalie responds in French

"Where is my uncle's pencil?" Emmett asks in French

"I don't know. Perhaps it's up your ass?" Rosalie says impatient and in French

"Wait. Wait a minute. That's, not on this page" Emmett says flustered and in English

Rosalie stands up angrily and starts to rant in French "Let me ask you a question, Emmett. When are you going to ask me out?" She storms off

Emmett, perplexed at this development, obviously didn't understand what she just said. He flips through his French Book for an explanation and evidently finds one

"Shit" he mumbles in French.

HALLWAY DAY

Alice opens her locker. Hanging inside is a beautiful middle aged style green dress with a note. Alice holds up the dress up to read the note, the note reads "O Fair One. Join me at the prom. I will be waiting. Love William S"

Alice seems pleased.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: What's A hot Rod **

SWAN HOUSE/PATIO DAY

Charlie does crunches on an abdominal machine. He is struggling magnificently.

He stands up as Rosalie walks in "Daddy?"

"Hi honey"

"Um, I want to discuss tomorrow night. As you know, its prom…"

He has been using a stretchy arm workout device, and it suddenly flies away off the balcony.

"The prom, Bella has a date?" Charlie asks

"Well no" Rosalie mumbles

"Don't think your fooling me for a second. I know you want to bend the rules for. It's that hot rod James"

"What's a hot rod?" Rosalie asks

"It's a…If your sister not going you're not going End of story" Charlie says

"Okay let's review, Bella: Not interested, me: Dying to go" Rosalie says

"You know what happens at proms?" Charlie asks

"Yes daddy. We'll dance, we'll kiss we'll come home. It's not quite the crisis situation you imagine" Rosalie says rolling her eyes.

"Kissing huh? That's what you think happens? Got news for you. Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long" Charlie says

"Can we for 2 seconds ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?" Rosalie asks

"What's normal? Those damn Dawson's River kids sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot?"

"Daddy, that is so not…" Rosalie begins

"Got news for ya. I'm down I've got all the 411 and you not going out and getting jiggy with some boy. I don't care how dope his ride is." Charlie says

Rosalie groans and leaves

"My mamma didn't raise no fool" Charlie mumbles to himself

ROSALIE ROOM DAY

Rosalie lies on her bed watching MTV. A knock sounds

"Come in" she says annoyed

Bella walks in

"Listen I know…" Rosalie isn't listening. Bella turns off the TV

"Listen I know you hate having to sit at home because I'm no Susie High School" Bella says kindly

"Like you care" Rosalie grumbles

"I do care. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, and not someone else's" Bella says calmly

"Well I wish I had that luxury. You know I'm the only sophomore that got asked to the prom and I can't go because you can't feel like it" Rosalie says

"James never told you that we went out, did he?" Bella asks her

Rosalie doesn't believe her "Yeah, okay"

"In 9th for a month" Bella reassures her

Rosalie can tell she's serious and is confused "Why?"

"Because he was like such a babe" Bella says self-mocking

"But you hate James" Rosalie said slowly

"Now I do" Bella said

Bella indicates with a nod and a raised eyebrow that they went all the way.

"Oh! Please tell me you're joking" Rosalie says

"Just once right after mum left. Everyone was doing it, so…I did it. Afterwards I told him I didn't want to anymore, because I wasn't ready and he got pissed and dumped me"

Rosalie stares at her, dumbfounded.

"After that I swore I'd never do anything just because everyone else was doing it. And I haven't since. With the exception of Eric's party and my stunning digestive pyrotechnics"

Rosalie is stunned "How is it possible that I do not know about this?"

"I warned him that if he told anyone, the cheerleading squad would find out how small his dick is"

"Okay so why didn't you tell me?" Rosalie asks

"I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him" Bella said shrugging

Rosalie turns angry "Then why did you help daddy hold me hostage?"

Rosalie stands up slowly

"It's not like I'm stupid enough to repeat your mistakes"

"I guess I thought I was protecting you" Bella tells her.

"By not letting me experience anything for myself?" Rosalie asks

"Not all experiences are good Rose. You can't always trust the people you want to" Bella explains.

"Well I guess I'll never know, will i?" Rosalie rises and holds the door open for Bella, then slams it behind her.

BELLAS ROOM DAY

Bella lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. She rolls over and looks out the window. Rosalie is looking pitiful in a tire swing.

LIVING ROOM NIGHT

Charlie is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Bella descends the stairs in an elegant blue prom dress and heads for the front door "Bye dad. I'm going to the prom"

Charlie doesn't look up thinking she's joking "Funny Sweetie" Bella slams the door behind her.

Rosalie walks into the living room. She's wearing a pink prom dress. Charlie sees and immediately crosses to where she stands.

"What's that?" He asks her

"A prom dress" Rosalie replies simply

"I seem to be hearing that word a lot lately"

The doorbell rings and Rosalie opens it. There stands Emmett in a tuxedo. He takes in Rosalie's outfit

"Hi" Rosalie says meekly

"Wow. I, um…wow" Emmett stutters

"Bye Daddy" Rosalie says grabbing Emmett's hand

"Stop. Turn. Explain" Charlie say

"Okay. Remember how you said I could date if Bella dated? Well, she found this guy who's actually kind of perfect for her. Which is actually kind of perfect for me, because Emmett asked me to go to the prom, and I really really really wanna go. And since Bella went, I guess I'm allowed to, based on the aforementioned rule, and its previous stipulations, of course" Rosalie says to him

Emmett extends his hand out to Charlie "Nice to meet you"

Rosalie intercepting his hand "Let's go"

They dash away down the walk

Charlie shouts after them "I know every cop in town, bucko!"

"This is not good" he mumbles to himself

PROM/BALCONY NIGHT

Bella ascends the grand staircase and stops. Edward notices and comes up behind her.

"Wow" Edward says to her

"You too" Bella replies

He hands her a rose.

"Where'd you get a tux at the last minute?" Bella asks

"Oh, just something I had you know lying around"

"Oh.."

"Where'd you get the dress?" He asks

"Oh, just something I had. You know lying around" She replies

He smiles.

"Listen I'm really sorry that I questioned your motives. I was wrong"

Edward sighs "You're forgiven"

"Okay ready for the Prom?" Bella asks with fake enthusiasm

"Yes ma'am"

SWAN DOORWAY NIGHT

James arrives in a tux and knocks on the door. Charlie opens it.

"Hi Mr Swan, I'm James. I'm here to pick up Rosalie"

Charlie gives him an icy glare in silence and then slams the door in his face without saying a word.

PROM/DANCE FLOOR NIGHT

Bella and Edward enter. Bella steps forward looking around and spots Emmett and Rosalie dancing cheek to cheek

She smiles at the sight.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Alice enters nervously, in the long Elizabeth gown, hair lined with small flowers, she spots Bella and hurries over distressed.

"Have you seen him?" She asks

"Who?" Bella asks her

"William, he asked me to meet him here" Alice says looking around

"Oh Alice. Tell me you haven't progressed to full on hallucinations" Bella says feeling Alice's for head

Edward looks towards the stage and nods. Alice turns to look. Jasper-in Shakespearean-like attire bows in their direction. Alice beams.

Jasper makes his way through the crowd over to her

"Milady"

"Good Sir" She replies. Jasper kisses her hand in a courtly manner.

PROM/DANCE FLOOR SHORTLY AFTER

Bella and Edward clap as the band finishes a song. A new song begins and Bella recognises it. It's by her favourite band.

"Oh my god! It's…" Bella squeals

"I called in a favour" Edward says

Bella stares in honest appreciation as the lead singer of her favourite band appears on stage and makes her way to the crowd to sing directly to Bella. She turns back toward the stage and Edward kisses Bella. The music plays.

PROM/LADIES ROOM NIGHT

Rosalie is in the mirror, Jessica emerges from a stall

Rosalie is surprised "What are you doing here?"

Jessica is aloof "Oh, I know you didn't think you were the only sophomore at the prom? James just picked me up"

"Well congratulations, he's all yours" Rosalie says

Jessica maintains her snooty tone.

"Very generous, princess. And just so you know, James only liked you for one reason. He even had a bet going with his friends. He was going to nail you tonight"

"So what you're a consolation prize, good job" Rosalie says walking away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: The shit has hiteth the faneth **

PROM/DANCE FLOOR IMMEDIATELY AFTER

Edward and Bella continue to slow dance in good spirit.

"Milwaukee" Edward says suddenly

"What?" Bella asks confused

"That's where I was last year. I wasn't in jail, I don't Marylyn Manson, and I didn't sleep with a spice girl—I don't think. You see my grandpa he was ill so I spent most of the year on his couch watching wheel of fortune and making spaghettis. End of story" He says

Bella laughs "No way"

There interrupted by James pulling him aside.

"Hey! What's Rosalie doing here with that pussy? I didn't pay you to take out Bella for nothing so that some little punk could snake me with Rosalie" James says angrily.

Bella has heard everything, Edward looks at her pleadingly "Nothing in it for you, huh?" Bella yells

She leaves and Edward follows.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Jasper spots the altercation and dances Alice over to Emmett and Rosalie.

"The shit has hiteth the fan…eth" he says to Emmett

Jasper and Emmett leave Alice and Rosalie and head for James

ACROSS THE ROOM

Jasper and Emmett approach James quickly

"James pal, compadre. Listen…" James pushes jasper roughly to the ground. Emmett passes James to help Jasper up.

"You messed with the wrong guy and now you're gonna pay you and that little bitch" James yells

Emmett doesn't like the sound of that, he turns to face James.

"Alight that's enough! Okay? You crossed the line." James punches Emmett in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"Oh come on! Get up, you little punk" James yells. He turns around, just in time to catch one in the nose from a very pissed of Rosalie.

"Shit, Rosalie! I'm shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow?" James yells

"That's for making my date bleed.."

She belts him again

"That's for my sister"

And again

"And that's for me"

She pushes him onto the ground with Emmett and Jasper. She and Alice help their dates off the floor.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asks Emmett

Emmett has a huge smile on his face "Never been better"

She kisses him and they begin to slow dance. Everyone slow dances as James groans on the floor and holds his crotch.

HOTEL STAIRWAY NIGHT

Bella heads for the stairs and Edward catches up to her as they reach the top.

"Would you give me a chance…" Edward pleaded

"You were paid to take me out! By the one person I truly hate. I knew this was a set up!" She yells

"Bella, it wasn't like that, okay?" Edward tries to reason

"Really? What was it like? A down payment now and then a bonus for sleeping with me?"

"No I didn't care about the money, okay? I cared…I cared about you?"

She turns to face him with a countenance of both sadness and anger.

"You are so not who I thought you were"

In desperation, Edward grabs her and kisses her. After a second she jerks away and flees down the stairs.

Rosalie comes running from behind Edward, sees what has happened, and stops. She seems guilty now for dragging Bella to the prom and into the mess

SWAN HOUSE DAY

Bella is sitting on the balcony railing with a sketchbook in hand. Rosalie breezes in, bearing a cup of tea, and offers it to Bella "You want?"

Bella takes the tea "Thanks"

"So you sure you don't want to go sailing with us? It'll be fun" Rosalie says

"Ni, I'm fine, you two have fun" Bella says

"Look, I don't know if I ever thanked you for going last night, but it really meant a lot to me" Rosalie says looking down

"I'm glad" Bella says sincerely

Emmett comes jogging up the steps to the balcony, looking very chirper indeed. He notices the seriousness of the situation

"Hey" he says quietly to Rosalie

"Hey" She says back

"You read?" He asks

"Mm hmm"

"See you later Bella" Emmett says

"Bye" Bella waves

Rosalie and Emmett walk away from Bella.

"Is she okay?" Emmett asks

"I hope so" Rosalie mumbles

They leave and moments later Charlie enters the balcony from the house

"Where's your sister going?"

"She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm" Bella says being as sarcastic as usual

Charlie is not amused "funny. So tell me about this dance was it…hoppin?"

Bella smirks at his attempted use of hip, young lingo.

"Parts of it" Bella said shrugging

"Which parts?"

"The part where Rosalie beat the hell out of some guy" Bella says laughing

"Rosalie did what?" Charlie asks shocked

"What's the matter? Upset that I rubbed off on her?" Bella asks rolling her eyes.

"No, impressed" Charlie says

Bella looks up, surprised at his father approval.

"You know, fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Rosalie still lets me play a few innings. You've had me on the bench for years. And when you go off to Dartmouth, I won't even be able to watch the game"

Bella is hopeful "When I go?"

"Oh boy don't tell me you've changed your mind I already sent em a check" Charlie says

Bella is overjoyed, she reaches over and hugs him.

ENGLISH CLASS DAY

Mr Banner stands at his podium and faces the class with an open book in front of him

"All right. I assume everyone has found time to complete their poem. Except for Mr Donner…" Nr Banner begins to laugh very pleased. James sulks at his desk behind a pair of sunglasses

"…who has an excuse, Shaft lose the glasses" Mr Banner says to James

James reluctantly removes his sunglasses to reveal serve damage, the class snickers

"Alright anyone brave enough to read theirs aloud?" Mr Banner says

No one moves. Then Bella slowly raises her hand "I will"

Edward looks up.

Mr Banner is expecting the worst "Lord here we go"

Bella stands and walks to face the class, she clears her throat before reading from her notebook.

"I hate the way you talk to me

And the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive my car

I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots

And the way you read my mind

I hate it so much it makes me sick

It even makes me rhyme"

She takes a pause and then continues

"I hate it…

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh

Even worse when you make me cry"

She begins to cry as she continues to read

"I hate it when you're not around

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you

Not even close

Not even a little but

Not even at all"

She looks directly at Edward, he looks back this time miserable, thoughtful. Then Bella runs out of the class, the rest of the class remain in stunned silence.

PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL

Students are leaving school. Bella walks to her car alone. When she opens the door, she greeted with the same Fender Stratocaster guitar that Edward saw her playing in the store before, recline the front seat.

She picks it up slowly, inspecting every detail as Edward leans in behind her.

"Nice, huh?"

She turns to face him "A fender Strat? Is this for me?"

"Yeah, I thought you could use it. You know, when you start your band. Besides, I had some extra cash, you know some asshole paid me to take out a really great girl"

Bella is smiling "Is that right?"

"Yeah but I screwed up. I um… I fell for her" He blushes and looks down

"Really?"

HE puts his face at her level "It's not every day you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention"

Bella is surprised and embarrassed that he found out about the flashing.

"Oh god…" She laughs, Edward takes this as a sign to kiss her and he does, she lets him this time, then breaks it off suddenly

"You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know" Bella tells him

He winces "Yeah I know. But then, you know, there's always drums, and a bass and maybe one day even a Tamborine"

He gives her another kiss, which she breaks off again "And don't just think you can…" He kisses her to shut her up, not letting her end it this time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: I hate the way I don't hate you**

ENGLISH CLASS DAY

Mr Banner stands at his podium and faces the class with an open book in front of him

"All right. I assume everyone has found time to complete their poem. Except for Mr Donner…" Nr Banner begins to laugh very pleased. James sulks at his desk behind a pair of sunglasses

"…who has an excuse, Shaft lose the glasses" Mr Banner says to James

James reluctantly removes his sunglasses to reveal serve damage, the class snickers

"Alright anyone brave enough to read theirs aloud?" Mr Banner says

No one moves. Then Bella slowly raises her hand "I will"

Edward looks up.

Mr Banner is expecting the worst "Lord here we go"

Bella stands and walks to face the class, she clears her throat before reading from her notebook.

"I hate the way you talk to me

And the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive my car

I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots

And the way you read my mind

I hate it so much it makes me sick

It even makes me rhyme"

She takes a pause and then continues

"I hate it…

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh

Even worse when you make me cry"

She begins to cry as she continues to read

"I hate it when you're not around

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you

Not even close

Not even a little but

Not even at all"

She looks directly at Edward, he looks back this time miserable, thoughtful. Then Bella runs out of the class, the rest of the class remain in stunned silence.

PARKING LOT AFTER SCHOOL

Students are leaving school. Bella walks to her car alone. When she opens the door, she greeted with the same Fender Stratocaster guitar that Edward saw her playing in the store before, recline the front seat.

She picks it up slowly, inspecting every detail as Edward leans in behind her.

"Nice, huh?"

She turns to face him "A fender Strat? Is this for me?"

"Yeah, I thought you could use it. You know, when you start your band. Besides, I had some extra cash, you know some asshole paid me to take out a really great girl"

Bella is smiling "Is that right?"

"Yeah but I screwed up. I um… I fell for her" He blushes and looks down

"Really?"

HE puts his face at her level "It's not every day you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention"

Bella is surprised and embarrassed that he found out about the flashing.

"Oh god…" She laughs, Edward takes this as a sign to kiss her and he does, she lets him this time, then breaks it off suddenly

"You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know" Bella tells him

He winces "Yeah I know. But then, you know, there's always drums, and a bass and maybe one day even a Tamborine"

He gives her another kiss, which she breaks off again "And don't just think you can…" He kisses her to shut her up, not letting her end it this time.


End file.
